grandad kit

Thank you for reading my blog. If you have difficulty seeing your grandchildren, or have any views about my situation, I would welcome your messages by e-mail through this blog site. If you wish, just use a first name or a nickname and your identity will be protected, like mine – “Grandad Kit.”

Dear “Tom”

Nana Ann is coming up

I am you other grandfather, the one you have never met. You are four years old, and although I have never met you, I love you dearly and always will. You are my flesh and blood, and always will be. We will meet one day, I am sure. I am writing this daily "blog" to you to make up for the fact that I can't speak to you right now. I hope that one day you will be able to read this.

A bit of good news today. Nana Ann says she's coming up for the weekend. She knows Grandad is very, very busy and will be working all weekend, but I know she'll find lots of things ot do around the house - all the things that Grandad is supposed to do but doesn't (because I'm too busy of course!). But it will be nice to have her around, and some compensation that I won't be able to be with her on her birthday next month (I always try, but this year it's impossible if I am to meet all my commitments).

Today I went to se two men about two different books I am writing. Both men are very nice characters and it's a pleasure to talk to them. In my job, this is not always the case. Today a man who writes childrens books gave me a ring. He has written a really good children's book about a young dragon, and he wants me to help him get it published. I had to tell him I can't do anything until next year at the earliest! But that's always the way. This time last year, when I had hardly any work on, I would have been glad to do it, but that's the way of the world. It's either a feast or a famine.

I went shopping today, but I'll go again on Friday and get some nice things, the kind Nana Ann likes, for when she comes up from London.

Love from

Grandad Kit and Nana Ann

Thank you for reading my blog. If you have difficulty seeing your grandchildren, or have any views about my situation, I would welcome your messages by e-mail through this blog site. If you wish, just use a first name or a nickname and your identity will be protected, like mine – “Grandad Kit.”

Dear “Tom”

We are shell-shocked!

I am you other grandfather, the one you have never met. You are four years old, and although I have never met you, I love you dearly and always will. You are my flesh and blood, and always will be. We will meet one day, I am sure. I am writing this daily "blog" to you to make up for the fact that I can't speak to you right now. I hope that one day you will be able to read this.

To be honest, Nana Ann and I have not discussed our meeting with you and your Mam and Dad yesterday. We are shell-shocked. It was completely unexpected. You were everything we had hoped for, but your Mam and Dad were very, very quiet. They had very little to say to us. They were polite and treated us with courtesy, but I am very sorry to say it was a cold courtesy, Very, very cold. Freezing in fact. They didn't say anything untoward to us, in fact they said very little atall, other to answer our questions. There was no conversation in the normal sense of the word.

Beforehand, Nana Ann and I had decided to limit the questions we would ask. There are so many questions we wanted to ask, we could ahve asked hundreds! So we limited ourseleves mainly to how you were and how you were getting on at nursery school, and how you'd enjoyed yourself at the seaside and so on. But that was all.

So we came away with a sense of anti-climax. We waited all these years to see you, an now what? The way we feel, Nana Ann and I don't want to go through a repeat of what happened yesterday, not for our sake, but for yours. As you grow older, you will become more aware of things. And we definitely don't want you to be troubled or concerned about quarrels between adults - it's not your fault and it should not be allowed to affect you.

I couldn't stop thinking about you today (but I think about you every single day anyway). I can't work out whether it's best to have another joyless encounter and whether it might be better to wait a few more years - but that is unthinkable. If there was a glimmer of hope of making it up with your Mam and Dad, that would be something top show us the way forward and something to work towards. But right now I don't see even the tiniest glimmer of hope. I know my daughter - your Mam. She's very much like her mother, your other Nana, an I know her very, very well of course. The chance of either of them ever changing their minds, once they've made up their minds, is almost nil. So, while we're happy, vrey happy, to have met up with you at last, and hope to do so again, we are quite depressed at present.

But life must go on, and Grandad has lots and lots and lots of work to do in a very short time. So he'd better get on a do it and not mope around waiting and hoping for the impossible to happen!

Love from

Grandad Kit and Nana Ann

Thank you for reading my blog. If you have difficulty seeing your grandchildren, or have any views about my situation, I would welcome your messages by e-mail through this blog site. If you wish, just use a first name or a nickname and your identity will be protected, like mine – “Grandad Kit.”

Dear “Tom”

For the first time, we finally get to see you

I am you other grandfather, the one you have never met. You are four years old, and although I have never met you, I love you dearly and always will. You are my flesh and blood, and always will be. We will meet one day, I am sure. I am writing this daily "blog" to you to make up for the fact that I can't speak to you right now. I hope that one day you will be able to read this.

Grandad is good with words, but not this time. Make no mistake, Nana Ann and I were so glad to finally get to see you for the very first time - and it's more than four years since you were born. It's hard to describe what it's like, seeing you for the first time. I know what it's like seeing my three children for the first time, and seeing your cousin Elaine for the first time, but that was always when they were tiny babies and had just been born. It was expected that I would be there and I was there as a father and as a grandfather, just a natural thing.

If things had been right between me and your Mam, we would have been able to see you very soon after you were born, when you were just a tiny little baby, and to see you from time to time, to have the joy of seeing you grow up and develop bit by bit. That has all gone, but seeing you once is better, so much better, than not seeing you atall. Nana Ann and I don't have any children, so the only grandchildren Nana Ann can see are mine - and there's only two of you! But even if there were lots of grandchildren, you would all be precious and we would want to see all of you from time to time.

It was lovely to see you. You are everything we had hoped for, a happy, lively boy with a sense of fun and curiosity about the world. But Nana Ann and I came away from your house sad as well as happy.

Now this is nothing you can understand, nor will you be able to understand it for many years yet. I hope that if you ever get to read these letters to an unknown grandson, you will understand. And, most of all, it's absolutely not your fault in any way. You are totally innocent of what has gone on and of what is happening now. Only when you get to be of an age and able to take decisions for yourself, then you'll have to take responsibility for what you say and do, but not until then.

The truth is, Nana Ann and I are thinking very seriously about what to do next. Right now, we can't see any way forward and - very, very sad, we can't see a way that we can get to be friends again with your Mam and Dad. It's not that we're trying to blame them, we are just looking at the situation and trying to judge what is the best for everyone, particularly for you. We don't want to do anything atall that might cause you pain or hurt, and most of all we don't want you to be dragged into a family quarrel, particularly a quarrel that seems to us to be over and done with and best forgotten.

So right now Nana Ann and Grandad don't know when or even if we will see you again. We are just going to let things lie still for a while. The way I feel now, I would like to draw a line under all this and get on with the rest of my life, as long or short as it may be. You can't allow a negative thing to drag you down and stop you from enjoying life and stop you from being useful to ourselves and to others.

So - it breaks my heart to say this - we may not see you again for a time, perhaps a long time, perhaps a long, long time. There's no use putting blame on anyone - no-one is perfect, and like anyone else we have made mistakes - but we have to move on. We don't want you to be subject to arguments and ill-feeling. Not that that happened today, but it seems to us that (apart from the great blessing of seeing you and holding your hand) there was nothing else to say and do towards mending the break, mainly between me and your Mam, my daughter. If these letters are produced as a book, by Grandad Kit of course because we would always want to protect your identity, you might see it by chance and you might realise it's you.

Still love from

Grandad Kit and Nana Ann

Thank you for reading my blog. If you have difficulty seeing your grandchildren, or have any views about my situation, I would welcome your messages by e-mail through this blog site. If you wish, just use a first name or a nickname and your identity will be protected, like mine – “Grandad Kit.”

Dear “Tom”
A busy day - and we set the time to meet you!

I am you other grandfather, the one you have never met. You are four years old, and although I have never met you, I love you dearly and always will. You are my flesh and blood, and always will be. We will meet one day, I am sure. I am writing this daily "blog" to you to make up for the fact that I can't speak to you right now. I hope that one day you will be able to read this.

Phew! What a day! we hardly had time to stop for a minute, because we had a lot to do and just one day to do it. We've seen some people and visited several places, Nana Ann lookig up the information and Grandad writing it down. In between, I've sent an e-mail to your Mam. We've decided to come and see you at three o'clock in the afternoon. We thought that was best, nit too early, not too late, and not during a mealtime. The only thing that can stop us now is an Act of God (fire, earthqauke, pestilence), a declaration of war or a general election being called. But hipefully none of these things will happen, at least not by tomorow.

You might find that Nana Ann and Grandad are a bit quiet at first. We've got to be careful, not to upset your Mam. Then there's your Dad's feelings to consider. We've only met him twice, so we don't know him very well atall. But he seems a nice steady sort of block, not given to sudden bursts of....anything really. But that's just a first (or second) impression.

If everything goes well, as we hope it will, then that will more or less mean the end of this blog. After all, we'll be able to talk to you direct, rather than through these letters which you can't read now anyway. But Grandad has found it very helpful, very soothing, to write these letters to you. Doing this has certainly made me feel better. Whatever happens, you might get to read them some day, especially if Grandad puts them in a book!!! All you need to do is llok for a book written by Grandad Kit. no-one will ever know it's you, but you will. Just imagine everye asking "who is Grandad Kit, who is Nana Ann, and who is Tom?" That would be a hoot, wouldn't it. But let's get tomorrow over with first.

Love from

Grandad Kit and Nana Ann

Thank you for reading my blog. If you have difficulty seeing your grandchildren, or have any views about my situation, I would welcome your messages by e-mail through this blog site. If you wish, just use a first name or a nickname and your identity will be protected, like mine – “Grandad Kit.”

Dear “Tom”

Your Mam replies - and the job's a good 'un!

I am you other grandfather, the one you have never met. You are four years old, and although I have never met you, I love you dearly and always will. You are my flesh and blood, and always will be. We will meet one day, I am sure. I am writing this daily "blog" to you to make up for the fact that I can't speak to you right now. I hope that one day you will be able to read this.

Yor Mam finally came back to us today - another email - and she says ok to us coing to see you at home on Sunday. All we have to do is fix the time. So this is it. The visit is definitely on - bar any last-minute hiccups.

Down at Nana Ann's there's all sorts of thigns going on. For a start, the fair has taken over a large part of the Common. The fair comes every year about thsi time, and it's quite a big affair. Not as big as the biggest fair in teh countyr, that's the Hoppins on thew Newcastel Town Moor. Don't worry, we'll take you to both of them one of these days. The fair lights up the sky at night, there's the sound of music and merrygrounds and sales talk, and there's the smells of chip and hot dogs - irrisistible, almost.

But waht I wanted to tell you is that the last couple of time I've ben down, I've seen the young goose with the broken wing, or rather the deformed wing - he was born like that. The upshot is, he can't fly, although he's now fully grown. So, every night, when all the other geese fly away (God knows where the fly to) he has to saty behind. So he simply sits in the middle of the pond, or hides in the long grass on the island. Then in the mornig when all the geese return, he joins up with his family - his mother, father and four brothers and sisters - they always sit togther and feed together, plus his elder brother who was born last year (one of five, the only one to survive) who sits a little way away from the rest of the family.

Tomorrow Nana Ann and Grandad are off to Brighton on the coach.

Love from

Grandad Kit and Nana Ann

Thank you for reading my blog. If you have difficulty seeing your grandchildren, or have any views about my situation, I would welcome your messages by e-mail through this blog site. If you wish, just use a first name or a nickname and your identity will be protected, like mine – “Grandad Kit.”

Dear “Tom”

We must calm down

I am you other grandfather, the one you have never met. You are four years old, and although I have never met you, I love you dearly and always will. You are my flesh and blood, and always will be. We will meet one day, I am sure. I am writing this daily "blog" to you to make up for the fact that I can't speak to you right now. I hope that one day you will be able to read this.

Phew! We are in a state. Nana Ann is still suffering with the abscess on her tooth, and Grandad had to go to the dentist today for the second instalment of my root filling - just one more to go now. It wasn't too bad, but Nana Ann is still in a bad way. She's been to work today, but doesn't want to take too many pain killers. On top of all that, we've got to woory about whether everything will go all right this weekend when - fingers crossed - we get to see you for the first time.

I've sent an email to your Mam (to her new email address) but she hasn't replied as yet. Nana Ann pointed out something I said in my email to your Mam that wasn't quite right, but there's nothing I can do about it now. For most people most of the time a little thing like that wouldn't matter, but just now every single word is important, even one word - whether said or written down - could be taken the wrong way, and then we'd be back to square one.

But th die is cast. I'm catching the train to London first thing in the morning. Then it's a long session in the British Library, then meet up with Nana Ann. On Saturday we're off to Brighton on business, then on Sunday it's the big day, we hope. But your Mam hasn't said yes to any arrangements yet, and that's the important thing. Hopefully I will hear from her tomorrow. There's so many things we want to know about you, if we do meet up, Grandad and Nana Ann will have to be very careful only to take things one step at a time and not try to do too many things at once - but we're only human!

Sunday will come soon enough

Love from

Grandad Kit and Nana Ann

Thank you for reading my blog. If you have difficulty seeing your grandchildren, or have any views about my situation, I would welcome your messages by e-mail through this blog site. If you wish, just use a first name or a nickname and your identity will be protected, like mine – “Grandad Kit.”

Dear “Tom”

I get an e-mail from your Mam!

I am you other grandfather, the one you have never met. You are three years old, and although I have never met you, I love you dearly and always will. You are my flesh and blood, and always will be. We will meet one day, I am sure. I am writing this daily "blog" to you to make up for the fact that I can't speak to you right now. I hope that one day you will be able to read this.

This afternoon, I just couldn't believe it. After all the waiting and worrying, there was an e-mail from your Mam. Yes, she does have a new e-mail address, as I thought, so now I can send her e-mails. But the great thing is, the greatest thing is, the most fantastic terrific thing is, the most wonderful thing is, that she wants to see us!!! So me and Nana Ann will be able to see you for the very first time - and you're more than four years old now.

But hold on, let's not get too excited. It hasn't happened yet. And until it does, I really won't believe it. First, there's the arrangements to make. Then, we have to meet up as arranged - and things can always go wrong at the last minute. So let's be calm and try and make sure that it really does happen.

The first thing Grandad had to do is talk to Nana Ann. We do everything together. And it's so, so important that Nana Ann and your Mam and Dad get on all right. The thing is, Nana Ann is not your Mam's mother. he mother is your other Nana that Grandad used to be married to, many years ago. Nana Ann and I have been married for thirty years now, but we don't have any children, so it's all the more important to both of us that we do see you at long last.

Unfortunately (and these things always seem to happen) when I sent an e-mail to Nana Ann at work to tell her all about it, she wasn't there. She'd gone home sick. Now in 30 years I've never, ever known Nana Ann take a day of work sick, not one single day. Yet today she did. I knew she was poorly, this time with an abscess on her tooth. As usual, I told her to take a day off work, and as usual she refused and went to work despite suffering a lot of pain. But this time, by the midddle of the afternoon, just before I sent Nana Ann this very importnat e-mail to tell her about possibly seeing you, her boss insisted that she leave work and go home to bed.

So I couldn't tell Nana Ann the good news until she rang me tonight at the usual time. Of course she was very, very pleased, like me, but like me she was also very cautious. So now I have to contact your Mam and make some arrangements for us to see you. That will have to wait until tomorrow.

But tonight I can say with even more feeling than unsual

Love from

Grandad Kit and Nana Ann